New Year, Same You? Why Resolutions Aren’t the Whole Story.
My annual post about self-acceptance over self-development.
Because honestly — is it just me, or has social media convinced us that if we just try hard enough, we can become optimised versions of ourselves?
The 5am start, a colour-coded calendar, time carved out to journal, work out, meditate, learn a new skill, build an empire and somehow still make a green smoothie before 8am.
It’s exhausting.
And navigating normal life is exhausting enough.
January pressure is real — and not always helpful
Every year, January rolls in with the same message: change yourself. Be better. Do more.
But what if you didn’t need a whole new version of yourself?
What if you needed to meet this version of you — the tired, overwhelmed, trying-your-best version — with more compassion?
As a psychotherapist (and someone who used to be a Commercial Director), I’ve seen the cost of always trying to self-improve. I've lived it.
In 2020, during furlough of all times, I hit burnout. I wasn’t even supposed to be working, but my nervous system didn’t seem to know that. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and constantly telling myself I’d failed. I thought I needed to fix myself.
That moment led me to therapy — and eventually to retraining as a therapist myself.
But the lesson I learned wasn’t how to become “better.”
It was this: You don’t have to be superhuman to be OK.
Why we keep paddling (even when we're sinking)
In Transactional Analysis, there’s a powerful model called The Drowning Person by Adrienne Lee.
It describes how, from a young age, we pick up unconscious messages — emotional weights like:
"Don't feel"
"Don't fail"
"Don't slow down"
"Don’t be a burden"
To survive, we develop strategies — balloons that keep us afloat.
We try harder. We please others. We aim for perfection.
These patterns often help us succeed — until they don’t.
Until we’re paddling harder and harder just to stay above water.
If you’ve ever felt like slowing down is failure, or like rest is something you have to earn — you might be in this space.
And therapy can help you understand why.
You Don’t Need a Crisis to Ask for Help
We often think mental health support is something we access only after a big event — grief, trauma, breakdown.
But burnout doesn’t always arrive dramatically.
Sometimes it creeps in quietly.
A few bad nights.
A constant low-level hum of anxiety.
That feeling of being off without knowing why.
That’s still real. That still matters.
So this January, instead of setting goals to fix yourself — maybe ask:
What have I been carrying?
Who am I trying to please?
What would happen if I stopped paddling so hard?
A Space to Just Be
At Kota Therapy, I work with people navigating burnout, stress and the quiet discomfort of “doing everything right but still not feeling okay.”
Therapy isn’t about becoming someone else.
It’s about coming home to yourself — with more awareness, kindness, and space to breathe.
📍 I’m based in Ancoats in Pollard Yard, Manchester — a calm, private space with free on-site parking and flexible sessions.
If you're curious about starting therapy, you can learn more here. I offer a free no pressure 15 minute consultation to explore if therapy is right for you.